We want our kids to grow up with a healthy, whole, and biblical view of sex. But somewhere between the mixed messages of church and culture, far too many dads find themselves confused, lost, and tongue-tied.
When it comes to talking about sex with your kids, the best approach is a direct and honest one. Start early, and talk often, using appropriate and accurate language regarding body parts, etc. The more normalized the conversation can be, the more your children will desire to continue talking in the future.
Shame is a terrible motivator for healing and transformation. When we land heavily on the morality of Godly sexuality, we introduce shame and confusion and drive healthy curiosity and sexuality underground and leave our children to navigate it alone. As a result, it creates space for self-contempt and increased levels of shame that drive addiction and disconnection.
Our goal is to empower our children to own their own body.
One of the most common questions we receive from dads is, "What do I do when....?"
In this section, we discuss what dads are invited to do and be in these challenging moments.
In order to lead our children into healthy sexuality for themselves, we first must know and tell our own story of sexuality. We can't expect to be an amazing father to our kids with regard to sex without first navigating the landscape of our own stories.
It's far more than just knowing the itinerary of where you have been in your own sexual journey. It's actually telling your story to trusted other people that open the door for the healing the restoration of Jesus.
There is no more important work for a father to do with regard to raising sexually healthy children than for him to do his own work with regard to his sexual shame and brokenness.
What are some very practical ways to help our kids navigate the realms of sexual wholeness?
TRIAGE: Attending to the emergent concerns by making some immediate behavioral changes, such as using porn-blockers, moving the computer, etc. This is where we help stop the bleeding.
OPERATING ROOM: Far too often, parents focus on the unwanted sexual behavior and do not attend to the emotional world of the child that is behind the behavior. All addiction comes out of feelings of disconnection. This is where the true work of fathering occurs.
We must help train our children how to navigate the internal world, and attend to the eroticized wound. The act of fathering is not to protect our children from the world. Instead, it is helping them know how to navigate it with hope, courage, and wisdom.
Our go-to resources for the fathering journey.
"My dad never talked to me about sex, and I wandered into my teens and adulthood completely unprepared. I don't want that for my son."
"I'm so lost. Seriously. I don't know what to say to my daughter any more. Culture is confusing all of us, and I am just at a loss for words. What do I do? I want her to love how God made her."
"I am an intentional father in many ways, and I want to be sure to 'win' in this way too. These tools and conversations have given me hope that I can be the dad I never had."
Founder and CEO of Christian Counseling Center for Sexual Health and Trauma, Author of "Psychology of Porn", "A Brave Lament", and "The Sexually Healthy Man"
Founder and CEO of Restoration Project and Licensed Professional Counselor at Restoration Counseling Center in Northern Colorado, Author of "Man Maker Project"
We all need it easy, right?! Whether you are working out, commuting, or sitting on the toilet, you can access everything on your phone.IT'S TIME YOU TALKED WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT SEX